All the Blood in Me
This week, Ken and I went to the Irish Design Week conference. The week brought together designers from across Ireland and Europe to discuss design and its impact on the world around us.
Design is something that Ken and I feel that we were born to do, in a way, with both our dads being prominent figures in the South African scene. It’s why we felt we could dare to start our own design business here in Ireland. Our blood has given us everything we need to succeed.
One of the questions asked at tonight’s design panel was, “What skill do your grandparents have that you envy?” I’m truly blessed with my grandparents, I know most people don’t have the privilege of even knowing all of their grandparents, never mind having good relationships with all of them as I do.
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On my mother’s side – her mother was born of two Irish immigrants. She was born in South Africa but lived in Ireland for a year as a baby. Her father was a prisoner of war in Italy (of all places) during World War II. Her mother was a nurse there. But South Africa was their land of opportunity, as Ireland now is for us. And they longed to leave that all in their past.
My grandmother is the gentlest soul you’ll ever meet. She can make anyone feel calm simply by being herself. But her demure demeanour didn’t stop her from becoming one of the hardest working people I know. My granny has worked for most (if not all) of her married life. She carried her family while my Granda studied further and again when he was enlisted in the South African army during the Boarder Wars. I grew up on the stories of her learning to type and sew in school – skills that would fare well in today’s world and yet seem so far away. She adapted to the ever-changing world around her, and with no degree or other education – she managed to stay ahead enough of the game to continue playing until her recent retirement.
My granny always taught me to take care of myself – to use face cream after washing my face. To splurge on the slighter, nicer things, like perfume and shoes, so that I would be using the best. She always treated me like a princess, and I learnt how to treat myself the same.
I envy my granny’s resilience. Her life was never an easy one – neither love, money, work or marriage came easily to her, yet she always prevailed. I would be proud to get to her age and be known by those around me to be as determined and persevering as she is.
My Granda (my mom’s dad) has Scottish heritage, but from much further down the line than my Irish. My Granda is a proud man, discovering and owning as much of his heritage as he was able to discover. You see, my Granda’s parents both died before he was even a real man, and his upbringing after their deaths was cold and cruel. And yet, through his pride in himself, he was able to make the most of any situation he found himself in.
My Granda learnt how to teach himself things. It sounds like a skill everyone might have, but it isn’t so simple to learn something you know nothing about without being taught it. Most people stop learning things when they leave school, forever to the adult they entered the “real world” as. But not him. My Granda learnt to learn and took it into every area of life he could.
He studied and got his master’s. He worked as an engineer. He served to keep the peace during unrestful years in South Africa. He helped restore locomotive engines. He raised two daughters (if you met my grandfather, you’d understand just how much of a task this must’ve been for the stout man). My Grandfather, who came from such a broken world, created a life for himself that he could be proud of. And now I carry that pride with me.
I wish to learn to be as adaptive as he, forever curious about new technologies and determined to learn them and use them. He is not scared of the world changing, but instead, embracing it and making himself useful with these new tools. What an envious skill to have, indeed.
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On my dad’s side – I have two of the most intelligent and stubborn people I’ve ever met. I lived with my Dad and my grandparents from the age of sixteen until I was married at 22.
My grandfather – or Papa as I call him – is of multiple European descents – and is a third-generation South African – making me a sixth. He grew up wealthier than his spouse, and together, they have lived to see the landing on the moon, the end of Apartheid, the beginning of computerisation, the invention of the internet and now artificial intelligence. They have lived through all their wedding vows – sickness and health, richer and poorer, better and worse. And whether they know it or not, their stubbornness to live life together for so long is one of my greatest inspirations.
My Papa is an inventor (how cool is that?). He spent his adult life creating products that were designed to improve big public corporations, like railways. My Papa is, in every way, a visionary. He can see just how impactful something can be and doesn’t let fear ever stop him from dreaming. He tackles every project with a stubborn determination that it will succeed and has created incredible ideas in turn.
I think I inherited my Papa’s ambition and vision – dreaming of exciting, world-changing ideas. And yet, I still feel as if I am held back by fear more often than not. If I could learn one thing from my Papa, it would be to simply decide you’re going to do something and not let anything get in the way.
Unlike my Papa, who never finished his degree, my grandmother has multiple. As the academic of the family, my gran always instilled the importance of education into all of us. My grandmother is a teacher and psychologist – if that gives you any indication of what it might have been like to live with her.
Most of what I learnt from my gran was direct. She taught me how to socialise and contextualise. She taught me how to critically analyse my circumstances and never take anything at face value – especially my education.
For many years, my grandmother was my best friend. We had so much in common it made spending time with her very easy. If I was having a bad day, she’d always be there to counsel me through my tears. And on good days, we’d explore the local second-hand stores and coffee shops.
My gran taught me how to be frugal, a skill I am ever so grateful for now that I’m living in one of the most expensive cities in Europe. She always tried to make the most of what we had – which wasn’t always a lot. My gran is surprisingly snobbish but in the best way. She likes her house to be organised and well-kept (I don’t remember a single day when her bed wasn’t made), and she only tells people the things she wants them to know about her.
I’m not really a fan of secrets, but I do understand the importance of discretion, although it is a skill I have not yet mastered. That is the skill I would choose to learn from her.
I am so grateful to have had the close time I had with my grandparents (on both sides). I feel my life is so much richer and filled with love because of it. The combination of resilience and adaptiveness produced my mother, and the combination of vision and intelligence produced my father, and the combination of all of the above produced me – at least, the me I strive to learn to be.
With love, from Dublin
Chey