Familiarity is something you have to agree to leave behind when moving to a new country. And while you may be driven by a spontaneous-seeking, mundane-fearing brain that drives you to hardly ever do the same thing twice, eventually you will, because it will be something you know.

Lately, I’ve found myself double-taking many faces walking past as my Fusiform Gyrus mistakes those passing as someone I might know. The sliver in my brain, working harder than normal, is continually trying to spot someone recognisable in the crowds that pass by The Grill all day long. There are none. And it will be a very long time before there are.

This sense of needing something familiar comes from what we know as our understanding of normality. Our sense of how life ‘should be’ because that’s how it’s always been. And today I really needed that.

I’m so tired of working so hard to learn and be someone normal in this foreign environment. I’m constantly outcast by just the sound my voice makes, never mind the actual words (or lack of certain words) that I say.

In my need for my sense of normality I’ve found myself using South African slang and Afrikaans words a lot more than usual. Some days I feel I’ve made my accent heavier than it used to be. I find myself looking at specific things I know we have back in South Africa, comparing them and imagining them. I find myself idealising the country I’ve left behind. I tell people how wonderful it is and I genuinely long to visit it again.

Today I made the well-known fatal mistake of saying “ag shame” to a lady and her one-month-old baby. I backed away slowly as I remembered that the very common, enduring, South African phrase meant something completely different on this side of the equator. I remember being told the story a few years back — the one about the nurse who said “ag shame” to a disabled child and nearly lost her job. During the trial, she had to prove that it held a different meaning where she came from.

And the funny thing is that everywhere you go people will use words outside of their English definition to express something; usually in slang. Much like how the Irish say “cheers”, not to initiate a toast, but as a way of saying thanks. However, when one’s slang too closely resembles a deep offence, it’s not so easily understood.

Luckily for me, nothing has come from my mistake. Either the woman lost what I was saying as I swallowed the end of my words as I said them, or she simply didn’t hear me. Let’s pray I won’t be getting a disciplinary hearing anytime soon. And as I continue to be constantly over-aware of absolutely everything being said to me, or by me, I am trying to change “shame” to “cute” — significantly better and hardly offensive.

As much as I want to fit in here (to have this place be my normal), South Africa was my home for all of my life. All nearly-24 years of it. It’s a big part of me. It’s my normal.

Thanks for reading
With love, from Dublin
Cheylin

Hi! 👋🏻

We’re Ken & Chey – a young South African couple currently exploring Ireland.

We’re adventurers, writers, musicians, tech nerds and vloggers who love Jesus and coffee. This is our adventure and we’re so excited to share it with you.

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